Does sex on the first date / meeting ruin the potential for a relationship?
Are we listening to our own personal desires or to the pressures of society’s belief systems?
My video response below:
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As a teenage boy I saw virginity as a beast of burden for everyone. It was not to be treasured. Rather, it was something to be shed as soon as possible. Fifteen on wards was a good starting age for sex. I still believe in this mantra and I am 33 years old.
Girls had a great deal of power during my teenage years. They knew what I wanted and they would often make me wait to get it.
I wanted to have had sex on the first date / meeting but quite often I would only get a kiss. On the second date I might have been granted the pleasure of fingering the girl. A blow job might have been on the menu, though that often came on the third date.
Cunnilingus would come in around the third date and penetrative vaginal sex would have occurred on the third or fourth date. There were exceptions to this. Some girls allowed straight sex to occur on the first or second date.
My objective as a teenager was to accumulate as many sexual experiences as possible. I also wanted to learn as much as I could about human nature. What a great training ground sex and dating was! This continued throughout my university student years and right up until my mid 20s.
Then a great shift occurred. I started placing value in developing relationships of substance and I started taking dating seriously. Despite all of this I continued my objective of wanting to gain sex as soon as possible. Sex with good chemistry was wonderful, sex with a substantial connection was brilliant.
However, true love is the secret ingredient to the best sex you can ever have.
I even made a girl wait for sex once. Why not? I wanted to try something different. She was like a cat on a hot tin roof. I stuck to my objective of giving it a few months before I completely gave myself over sexually. It did not make an ounce of difference. The path to finding genuine compatibility and true love is not dependant on whether you hold out or not.
A Cosmopolitan magazine survey revealed that 83% of women believe men will think less of them if they have first date sex. 67% of men claim they do not think that at all. Men are not as negative about it as women think!
If you are confident and enjoy the sex on the first date or meeting, he or she will more likely want to see you again. It also removes sexual tension. Prolonging sex can cause over analysis and nerves about actually doing it.
Great chemistry leads to great sex, and if the chemistry is there between two people it shouldn’t matter if sex happens in the initial stages of meeting someone. Sexual compatibility is one of the most important parts of a relationship. By having sex on the first date you work out whether you have sexual compatibility with the other person.
It’s one thing to fuck someone immediately upon laying eyes on them. I have done it and it has perks but it eventually became tiresome and uninteresting to me. Fucking someone in an alley way within 20 minutes of meeting someone might give you the thrill of risk and anonymity. However, that also wears thin rather quickly and can lead to people feeling dis-empowered and degraded, particularly if alcohol and low self esteem is involved.
Some of my fondness memories of sex involve a whole sequence of events, not just the sex itself.
Meeting someone new and feeling that instant hit of physical attraction. Engaging in introductory conversation which leads to more conversation over food or drink. This leads to chemistry and a connection which removes many of those emotional and psychological barriers that can ruin a great evening. Eventually the evening leads you back to his or her house and you have fantastic sex. Provided that you are having safe sex and looking after your safety there is no issue.
The next morning there is no awkwardness. You are thrilled by this new connection and are keen to see him/her again. Sex on the first date has not ruined the potential for a long term relationship. A person doesn’t reveal everything about themselves just because they have an orgasm.
Most people are like onions. They are multi layered. The combination of their layers, good chemistry and connection and the prospective of compatibility make you want to see them again. There is still plenty more to discover. What could be better than this?
Dive right in friends. Leave your inhibitions and preconceived notions at the door. Allow yourself to be submerged in the experience. Sex is always a great way to begin the discovery of another human being. If it doesn’t work out there is no need to feel bad about it! It’s just another experience and they are never useless experiences. Seek the lessons in all these experiences. You will always find them!