Are separate beds /bedrooms a great option for couples who have troubles sharing the same bed?
Will it chip away at the relationship and cause emotional and intimacy issues?
Check out my video response below:
My Old Simo YouTube channel can be found here
A good night’s sleep is of utmost important but t often seems to elude many of us. Sleep experts warn that a lack of enough is linked to many conditions including stress, depression and heart disease. Common interruptions to sleep include noisy neighbours, road traffic, and random nightly noises. Your own thoughts and emotions can even deter you from sleeping well. Then there is your partner who is sleeping right next to you. It’s all good if he or she sleeps like the dead but what if they don’t? Do you request separate beds?
Historically, many couples maintained separate sleeping quarters, often as sign of status. Sharing a bed did not become popular till the 19th century. By the 20th century it had become the norm even if it was causing people physical and mental stress. Queen Elizabeth and Prince Phillip have always had separate chambers. The Prince and Princess of Kent also retire to separate beds. I suspect this is because they all can’t actually stand each other.
Some people aren’t satisfied with separate beds and bedrooms. They have separate houses, which is called “living apart together”. Tim Burton and Helena Bonham Carter lived in separate houses linked by a hall way. Woody Allen and Mia Farrow famously resided in separate apartments on opposite sides of Central Park.
The days of famous TV couples sleeping in separate beds are over. However, more couples are choosing to sleep in separate beds . They are often reluctant to admit it due to embarrassment. The norm tells us that there must be something wrong within their relationship.
A recent Australian ABC sleep study found that 75% of people have trouble sleeping. A study by the American Sleep Foundation has discovered that 25% of couples sleep in separate rooms. Similar results were reported in the UK and Japan. In addition, the American Association of Home Builders expects 60% of custom built homes to include two master bedrooms for the exact same reason.
Reasons why couples often prefer sleeping separately include:
- Sleep Apnoea.
- Relentless movement.
- Talking and noise making during sleep.
- A partner that wakes up regularly to go to the toilet.
- A partner that sweats profusely during sleep.
- Farting regularly during sleep.
- Cover and linen hogging.
Arguments for separate sleeping quarters include the guarantee of a much better sleep. A well-rested person will function better throughout the day and will therefore have a happier and healthier lifestyle. Some partners are on different sleep schedules, which includes different sleep times and wake up hours. Sleeping separately will ensure your partner’s schedule will not interfere with your sleep.
Some couples say that you will actually have more sex this way! Most couples see a reduction in the amount of sex they have when they move in together. This arrangement could make a couple feel like the way they were in the early days of their relationship. Sneaking into each other’s rooms at night could make for fun sexual role play!
I have a “whatever works” attitude when it comes to couples sleeping in sleeping beds. I don’t necessarily equate separate beds with relationship issues. My mother and father sleep in separate beds at opposite ends of their house only because he has really bad sleep apnoea. They have the most loving and intimate relationship that I have ever seen.
When I was much younger I would often tell friends that my future partner and I would have separate beds. Isolation and aloof distance within a relationship appealed to me. It was clear later on in life that I had intimacy issues and I was retaliating from bad relationship experiences.
I have never had a partner who significantly disrupted my sleep schedule so I would cross that bridge when faced with it. I have dealt with occasional loud snoring and restlessness but I will happily put up with it because of what sharing a bed means to me.
Sleeping together is an important part of any couple’s relationship. I could not imagine sleeping without my partner unless it was significantly ruining my sleep. I’ve often woken up with a sore back or limbs because of awkward cuddling positions. It’s annoying but it’s worth it. When you have true love, compatibility, and real intimacy the insignificant pains and disruptions don’t matter. Separate beds would feel like a negative zone of separation.
It is important to spend time spooning and falling asleep together. This time in bed can be very intimate and productive for a couple’s relationships. Many necessary and beautiful conversations can occur during the period before you fall asleep whilst tucked into bed together.
Once upon a time I loved the concept of separate sleeping quarters. Now I find the idea insufferable. Love changes all.